Marriage is not a waste of time for Women

This is a follow up to Nana’s post on the 9th of February to the effect that marriage is a waste of time for women. As Nana’s opponents in the great debate, our team was to oppose the motion that “marriage is a waste of time for women”.

It was an interesting debate and as she rightly said, it seemed our opponents won the debate that day.

After the debate I asked myself why we were not convincing in our arguments in support of marriage not being a waste of time for women and I came to the conclusion that the reason we lost, is the same reason why our opponents won.

The good side of marriage is mostly so intangible that it is difficult to translate into words for others to appreciate, whereas the disadvantages are so glaring that we never forget them. Picture this; you meet two married women, one is happily married, the other is in an abusive relationship and they both tell you about their marriage, which narrative will stay with you for ever? Of course it will be that of the abused woman. Let me relate this to a short poem that used to hang at our dining area at home when I was a child. I didn’t really understand it then, but as an adult, I have come to appreciate it better. The title of the poem is “SUCH IS LIFE” and I quote;


SUCH IS LIFE
Man’s evil deeds are written on brass
The good ones on water
When I am right no one remembers
When I am wrong no one forgets

In fact as we were preparing for the debate, it was obvious that we were struggling to get points. Personally the most important reason why I got married was for companionship and so after I listed it; it was difficult for me to come up with other advantages. My team members added security, shared financial responsibilities, family environment with a mother and a father that the children can look up to as role models, status within the society among others as reasons why marriage is not a waste of time for women.

I have subsequently read from “ The Audacity of Bope’’ a book written by the current US President that statistics indicate that "children living with single mothers are five times more likely to be poor than children in two parent households".

It has also been said that married people have a faster recovery from illness compared to the unmarried. There is also research evidence that married people live relatively longer than those who are not married.

Our opponents were more passionate than we were during the debate. This passion, I will attribute to the way and manner with which we normally tell sad stories as opposed to great beautiful love stories. The emotion with which our opponents talked about marriage being a waste of time for women was more compelling and appealing than our beautiful love story about the companionship that marriage brings.

My favorite quote on marriage is from the movie “Shall we Dance”. In this movie a woman suspects her husband of having an affair and hires a private detective to investigate. In one of their conversations, the detective asked the woman; “why do you think people get married?” Her answer was;

“We marry because we need a witness to our lives. There are billions of people on our planet so what does any one life really mean. But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything, the good things, bad things, terrible things and the mundane things; all of it, all the time, everyday. You are saying to your partner; your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness”.

At the end of this movie, the woman found out that the husband was not having an affair but was taking dance lessons.

There are some really terrible things that sometimes happen in a marriage and mostly it is the women who are the victims. That not withstanding, I do believe that marriage is not a waste of time for women because we are social beings and we mostly want to love and be loved and marriage creates that environment for us to share and experience love.

Marriage is the best foundation for personal intimacy, economic stability and child rearing.

What are your comments?

Gertrude Bibi Annoh-Quarshie
Finance Manager