Scrolling the contacts list on my phone last week, I realised there was this “Old man” friend whom I have not spoken to for about two weeks (which was quite unusual). This man is 65 year old and a German has been my friend for close to 6 months. I tried calling him, but his phone was switched off. I persisted, but still I couldn’t get through to him.
Incidentally, he called me today and after explaining that I have been trying to speak to him for so long he told me where he had been and what he had been up to and guess what? This man who has been married for over 26 years had taken a vacation with none other than his wife. I was sooooo impressed that he has been able to keep the flame of his marriage burning all these years! He proudly said it is something he does at least every 6 months.
After the call I started asking myself questions; why my friends who have been married for as short as 5 years are now bitter enemies and at a personal level, why I have not been taking time to relax. I sat down to ponder, especially over the last question and I have to admit that my life is so much calculated and ordered that things naturally fall in place each day and week and nothing new and exciting is happening to me at all.
Prior to my moving to Accra from Takoradi, I used to love spending time in ‘solitary confinement’ in my room and going to the beach. Spending time at the beach gave me such joy and inspiration from admiring nature and putting aside all my fears and cares. But since I moved to Accra I have come up with a number of excuses not to continue with the occasional beach breaks: traffic jams on the way to the beaches, for example.
After my conversation with my German friend, I decided on an additional ‘New Year’ ‘resolutions, which considering the period I should appropriately call ‘a mid -year resolutions. And these are, to come out of my “shell”, be proactive and at least once every quarter of the year have some fun with my friends.
So in case I don’t pick a call or my phone is switched off any one of these weekends, you should know where I am.
Mavis Gardiner
Finance Assistant
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Marriage is not a waste of time for Women
This is a follow up to Nana’s post on the 9th of February to the effect that marriage is a waste of time for women. As Nana’s opponents in the great debate, our team was to oppose the motion that “marriage is a waste of time for women”.
It was an interesting debate and as she rightly said, it seemed our opponents won the debate that day.
After the debate I asked myself why we were not convincing in our arguments in support of marriage not being a waste of time for women and I came to the conclusion that the reason we lost, is the same reason why our opponents won.
The good side of marriage is mostly so intangible that it is difficult to translate into words for others to appreciate, whereas the disadvantages are so glaring that we never forget them. Picture this; you meet two married women, one is happily married, the other is in an abusive relationship and they both tell you about their marriage, which narrative will stay with you for ever? Of course it will be that of the abused woman. Let me relate this to a short poem that used to hang at our dining area at home when I was a child. I didn’t really understand it then, but as an adult, I have come to appreciate it better. The title of the poem is “SUCH IS LIFE” and I quote;
SUCH IS LIFE
Man’s evil deeds are written on brass
The good ones on water
When I am right no one remembers
When I am wrong no one forgets
In fact as we were preparing for the debate, it was obvious that we were struggling to get points. Personally the most important reason why I got married was for companionship and so after I listed it; it was difficult for me to come up with other advantages. My team members added security, shared financial responsibilities, family environment with a mother and a father that the children can look up to as role models, status within the society among others as reasons why marriage is not a waste of time for women.
I have subsequently read from “ The Audacity of Bope’’ a book written by the current US President that statistics indicate that "children living with single mothers are five times more likely to be poor than children in two parent households".
It has also been said that married people have a faster recovery from illness compared to the unmarried. There is also research evidence that married people live relatively longer than those who are not married.
Our opponents were more passionate than we were during the debate. This passion, I will attribute to the way and manner with which we normally tell sad stories as opposed to great beautiful love stories. The emotion with which our opponents talked about marriage being a waste of time for women was more compelling and appealing than our beautiful love story about the companionship that marriage brings.
My favorite quote on marriage is from the movie “Shall we Dance”. In this movie a woman suspects her husband of having an affair and hires a private detective to investigate. In one of their conversations, the detective asked the woman; “why do you think people get married?” Her answer was;
“We marry because we need a witness to our lives. There are billions of people on our planet so what does any one life really mean. But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything, the good things, bad things, terrible things and the mundane things; all of it, all the time, everyday. You are saying to your partner; your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness”.
At the end of this movie, the woman found out that the husband was not having an affair but was taking dance lessons.
There are some really terrible things that sometimes happen in a marriage and mostly it is the women who are the victims. That not withstanding, I do believe that marriage is not a waste of time for women because we are social beings and we mostly want to love and be loved and marriage creates that environment for us to share and experience love.
Marriage is the best foundation for personal intimacy, economic stability and child rearing.
What are your comments?
Gertrude Bibi Annoh-Quarshie
Finance Manager
It was an interesting debate and as she rightly said, it seemed our opponents won the debate that day.
After the debate I asked myself why we were not convincing in our arguments in support of marriage not being a waste of time for women and I came to the conclusion that the reason we lost, is the same reason why our opponents won.
The good side of marriage is mostly so intangible that it is difficult to translate into words for others to appreciate, whereas the disadvantages are so glaring that we never forget them. Picture this; you meet two married women, one is happily married, the other is in an abusive relationship and they both tell you about their marriage, which narrative will stay with you for ever? Of course it will be that of the abused woman. Let me relate this to a short poem that used to hang at our dining area at home when I was a child. I didn’t really understand it then, but as an adult, I have come to appreciate it better. The title of the poem is “SUCH IS LIFE” and I quote;
SUCH IS LIFE
Man’s evil deeds are written on brass
The good ones on water
When I am right no one remembers
When I am wrong no one forgets
In fact as we were preparing for the debate, it was obvious that we were struggling to get points. Personally the most important reason why I got married was for companionship and so after I listed it; it was difficult for me to come up with other advantages. My team members added security, shared financial responsibilities, family environment with a mother and a father that the children can look up to as role models, status within the society among others as reasons why marriage is not a waste of time for women.
I have subsequently read from “ The Audacity of Bope’’ a book written by the current US President that statistics indicate that "children living with single mothers are five times more likely to be poor than children in two parent households".
It has also been said that married people have a faster recovery from illness compared to the unmarried. There is also research evidence that married people live relatively longer than those who are not married.
Our opponents were more passionate than we were during the debate. This passion, I will attribute to the way and manner with which we normally tell sad stories as opposed to great beautiful love stories. The emotion with which our opponents talked about marriage being a waste of time for women was more compelling and appealing than our beautiful love story about the companionship that marriage brings.
My favorite quote on marriage is from the movie “Shall we Dance”. In this movie a woman suspects her husband of having an affair and hires a private detective to investigate. In one of their conversations, the detective asked the woman; “why do you think people get married?” Her answer was;
“We marry because we need a witness to our lives. There are billions of people on our planet so what does any one life really mean. But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything, the good things, bad things, terrible things and the mundane things; all of it, all the time, everyday. You are saying to your partner; your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness”.
At the end of this movie, the woman found out that the husband was not having an affair but was taking dance lessons.
There are some really terrible things that sometimes happen in a marriage and mostly it is the women who are the victims. That not withstanding, I do believe that marriage is not a waste of time for women because we are social beings and we mostly want to love and be loved and marriage creates that environment for us to share and experience love.
Marriage is the best foundation for personal intimacy, economic stability and child rearing.
What are your comments?
Gertrude Bibi Annoh-Quarshie
Finance Manager
Monday, February 9, 2009
Marriage is a waste of time for women
We recently benefited from a training day on Communication & Presentation Skills facilitated by AWDF’s Executive Director. Personally, my favourite part of the day was when we got to practice our presentation skills in a fun ‘Great Debate’. The motion was “Marriage is a waste of time for women”. I was on the team that was for the motion and judging by the reaction of the audience (AWDF staff); I think it’s fair to say we were the more popular side.
Some of the reasons my team gave in defence of the motion included:
1. Traditional expectations of ‘wives’
2. Loss of identity
3. Housework aka ‘wife work’
4. Sacrificing of personal/professional goals
Traditional expectations of wives included meeting expectations of ‘in laws’ – one of our colleagues will never forget having to make a spinach and seafood sauce for her visiting Father in law when she really had a pressing deadline to meet for her Master’s degree.
Our team also felt marriage often comes with a loss of identity. We (tongue in cheek) asked the audience what happens if you get married 5 times. Do you change your name 5 times?
Housework was one of our major points of contention. We all know its called house work but it might as well be renamed ‘wife work’. It’s usually the “wife” or female partner who has to ensure this work happens.
Sacrificing one’s personal/professional goals we felt could also be a consequence of marriage especially where women bear the main responsibility for child rearing.
On the other hand our opposing team spoke about the companionship and love within marriage advocating for a marriage which is more of a partnership where you get to share financial and other responsibilities. What are your thoughts? Is marriage a waste of time for women?
Nana Sekyiamah
Programme Officer
Fundraising & Communications
Some of the reasons my team gave in defence of the motion included:
1. Traditional expectations of ‘wives’
2. Loss of identity
3. Housework aka ‘wife work’
4. Sacrificing of personal/professional goals
Traditional expectations of wives included meeting expectations of ‘in laws’ – one of our colleagues will never forget having to make a spinach and seafood sauce for her visiting Father in law when she really had a pressing deadline to meet for her Master’s degree.
Our team also felt marriage often comes with a loss of identity. We (tongue in cheek) asked the audience what happens if you get married 5 times. Do you change your name 5 times?
Housework was one of our major points of contention. We all know its called house work but it might as well be renamed ‘wife work’. It’s usually the “wife” or female partner who has to ensure this work happens.
Sacrificing one’s personal/professional goals we felt could also be a consequence of marriage especially where women bear the main responsibility for child rearing.
On the other hand our opposing team spoke about the companionship and love within marriage advocating for a marriage which is more of a partnership where you get to share financial and other responsibilities. What are your thoughts? Is marriage a waste of time for women?
Nana Sekyiamah
Programme Officer
Fundraising & Communications
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