We recently benefited from a training day on Communication & Presentation Skills facilitated by AWDF’s Executive Director. Personally, my favourite part of the day was when we got to practice our presentation skills in a fun ‘Great Debate’. The motion was “Marriage is a waste of time for women”. I was on the team that was for the motion and judging by the reaction of the audience (AWDF staff); I think it’s fair to say we were the more popular side.
Some of the reasons my team gave in defence of the motion included:
1. Traditional expectations of ‘wives’
2. Loss of identity
3. Housework aka ‘wife work’
4. Sacrificing of personal/professional goals
Traditional expectations of wives included meeting expectations of ‘in laws’ – one of our colleagues will never forget having to make a spinach and seafood sauce for her visiting Father in law when she really had a pressing deadline to meet for her Master’s degree.
Our team also felt marriage often comes with a loss of identity. We (tongue in cheek) asked the audience what happens if you get married 5 times. Do you change your name 5 times?
Housework was one of our major points of contention. We all know its called house work but it might as well be renamed ‘wife work’. It’s usually the “wife” or female partner who has to ensure this work happens.
Sacrificing one’s personal/professional goals we felt could also be a consequence of marriage especially where women bear the main responsibility for child rearing.
On the other hand our opposing team spoke about the companionship and love within marriage advocating for a marriage which is more of a partnership where you get to share financial and other responsibilities. What are your thoughts? Is marriage a waste of time for women?
Nana Sekyiamah
Programme Officer
Fundraising & Communications
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5 comments:
I think that unfortunately the reality - especially in Africa - is that so often marriage takes more of a toll on the woman, as she has to sacrifice more for the union and ends up carrying a lot more of the load.
I am hopeful of experiencing a truly equal partnership when I get married. However even all the optimism in the world can't disguise the fact that finding a man who truly believes in gender equality will be an uphill task.
Hi Ore,
Thanks for your comment. I couldn't agree with you more.
In my personal experience even when men intellectually believe in gender equality the reality once you get married can be very different.
Nana Darkoa
I dont believe you gals,i think there peace and love in marriage than living in singlehood,then by the way,if its a waste of time,why do you date and marry? If i approach you for a relationship,please do say a strong NO at first.
while i have compaigned for women freedom and rights,i do think that marriage is so important to the human kind.
Micheal
Kampala Uganda
I think marriage is not really a waste of time, if you dont make it one. Most women are so eager to marry that when they do their whole world comes to an end, they sacrifise very important personal choices and decision all in the name of 'Love and Partnership. they enslave themselves even before the man thinks of it. Marriage becomes a waste of time and Life if you have to forgo important things like your education, personal development, career goals etc., all to become a 'goodwife'.
I hope to life a my normal life even after marriage, i should feel and behave the same. I dont intend to enslave myself with so many unneccesary burden all in the name of marriage or being a 'house work'.
Hilda Gorlluh
AWDF
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